2009 Vmax: Back burner's the hot rod! (See my post on 2 wheeled addiction)

I went and did it.... I can't shake the urge anymore. Back in September, I was travelling in Taiwan on vacation, and the frustration of dealing with the ongoing problems with the 34 were mounting. I have had to engineer the frame around the new 4" drop axle. The floor is in, but there is still a ton of things that have to be done (wiring the entire car, getting a kit to space the torque converter, etc). All kinds of things that require help, money, or both. It was not going to be finished this year, maybe next year either.

I feel like a guy in a movie at a Catholic confessional: Forgive me father for I haven't accelerated. "How long since your last acceleration?" 2 years father, 2 long years.

It's actually been longer than that, because the acceleration offered by my last bike (the 2005 Victory Hammer) was okay as far as American V-twin bikes go, but still lacking - Especially compared to the Hayabusa that was the ride from 02 to 05.

Anyway, facing another year without the thrill of acceleration was just too much. The hot rod was going so slow, and the mountain of money I have put into it was depressing. Yes, it will get finished, and it will be fast, but I needed a fix. I was on Youtube one day and I spotted an ad in the corner. Unfortunately, I had already clicked on the next page and the page changed. I tried t go back, but another ad had replaced it. I wasn't sure what I had seen, but it looked like a motorcycle. It looked mean, and I felt excitement at the possibility that this motorcycle was the new version of one of my dream bikes. But I only saw it for a split second and couldn't be sure.

Back in 1994, I finally had the opportunity to purchase the dream bike I had been lusting after ever since I saw a picture of one in 1985: The Yamaha V-max.

If you have never heard one, it sounds like a V8 engine...nice lumpy idle to boot! The power of these bikes is extraordinary. At 6500 rpms, the "v-boost" kicks in and it just goes nuts with acceleration. It's an experience that has to be experienced firsthand to truly understand. It's addictive, to say the least. The bike was essentially unchanged from 1985 to 2007. That's unheard of in the motorcycle world. It was a great bike, but far from perfect. The chassis was lacking and barely coped with the claimed 145 crank horsepower. The brakes were updated in 93, but my 92 had the old ones, and stopping was severely lacking compared to modern sportbikes. Mine landed me in the back of a car in a split-second indescretion while dealing with some bimbo on her phone that tried to kill me. Road rage cost me my bike, it was totalled. I took a year and a half off, but the urge to ride never died. I said that if they make an updated version, I'd be in line to get it.

Recently, I flipped to a Youtube page that had the ad on it. It was true, Yamaha had gone and updated the bike and was coming out with a new version. I quickly found a website that gave me the details, and I was blown away. 200 horsepower. Wicked looks. A complete redesign from top to bottom. It has ABS standard. I was giddy with excitement. There was the bike of my dreams in front of me. I couldn't wait to see one at the dealership. Yamaha had other plans...

The new Vmax is a limited production motorcycle. There would be no showroom ogling for me. You see, the only way to get one was to pre-order it, and only 2500 would be made for the U.S. To make it even more complicated, a non-refundable $1000 deposit had to be in the dealership by October 31st. After that, there would be no ordering it until 2010. The bike was also expensive at an MSRP of $18k. That's all the information I could get at the time.

I spent the end of September in Taiwan on vacation. It was lovely, but my mind was on this bike. The fact that it was a brand new bike meant that there would be little or no aftermarket support for a year or so. It could also be plagued with problems as a first year production as well. I had to weigh these factors and figure out if it was to be or not. It would also put the 34 on the back burner indefinitely.

Fortunately I found a website that answered a lot of the questions that I was having, had pictures and video, and helped me make my decision. Halfof the bikes had been pre-ordered according to an August article that I found about the bike. More pressure. My wife left the decision up to me (technically not an approval - leaving room for the "I told you so" later if I regretted the decision). On October 3rd I walked into the dealer to ask them about it and get some information. I would give the decision a weekend to sink in and let some of the excitement fade. It didn't. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the constant pressure of knowing that I couldn't let this bike not be in my life, but on October 7th, I put my deposit down and got the bike on order. Here is what is coming:

It's bigger, badder, and better in every way. Mountains of torque on tap. It looks like nothing else out there, and has the raw acceleration that I crave. Magazines report 0-60 in 2.5 seconds...0-100 in less than 6 seconds. The highest performing bikes in the world are marginally faster in a 1/4 mile (We're talking a third of a second), but well within reach of some aftermarket modifications. There is an unbelievable support network of fellow Vmaxxers at http://www.starvmax.com/ who have been working since the first few bikes hit our shores on modifications that will unleash even more power. Mine is supposed to be here in February... stay tuned.

November is here and where is the car? Hot Rod #6

Okay... I have been working day and night on this thing and it looks like less of a car than ever. The transmission saga is ongoing. UPS FINALLY paid out a whopping $650 for the destroyed transmission and tried to keep it. Luckily the guy I bought it from fought the good fight and retained possession of it. The plan is to send to to Mike's Transmissions and have it re-cased and re-dynoed. This'll cost me another $150, but for a freshly rebuilt transmission (that stands a chance of surviving shipment) it's worth it.

Here's what's been happening: I got the car back from Donnie's with the new crossmember and decided to tackle the frame. This involves removing the body, and I don't have any special equipment to do this. I tried to envision a way of using the engine "cherry picker" to help, but the plan devolved into bicycle hangers and tie down straps. Don't try this at home kids! You want to talk about nervous.....

I unbolted the body and got it stuck about 3 feet above the frame. The middle body mounts were narrower than the diagonal bar on the roll cage, and it was trapped. The bars get closer together towards the front of the car, but the roll bar prevents me from moving the body forward. Here's a picture of the crisis in progress.

Since I was a one man workforce, I enlisted the help of my brother (who hasn't learned from his past favors) and he came over and we figured out that the body could be removed by lifting it up to absurd heights and we could roll the chassis around enough to remove it. At this point, just saying "we got it" really bypasses the nervous tension that we were going through watching 2 of the 6 bicycle hooks bend, seeing the body swing around, and the general violent bounces that the body took when trying to manipulate it around with tie down straps. Through some miracle, no damage was experienced.... how, I'll never know.

We got the body off and now it was time to go to work. I severely underestimated a few things. Sure, the time and effort this would take are obvious, but some other factors came into play. As I sat and looked at the 40 years of grime, holes, and buildup on the frame, I suddenly found myself wanting to make the frame better. I am a victim of the bubble gum tech shows that come on weekends where they install all kinds of add-ons and test performance parts (shows like Horsepower TV and Musclecar, etc). I hate to admit watching those extended commercials for the sponsors, but it is a good way to start the weekend while the coffee kicks in. It's amazing how "Bob'll just tighten these bolts up while you watching the commercials" and they come back and everything has just fallen into place. Anyway, on one of the shows, they welded up all the little mystery holes in the frame and generally dressed it up before they painted it. Hmmmm, good idea I thought. This should be clue #1 why it's November and I'm not posting pictures of a gigantic smokey burnout.

So, yes, I sat and welded up all the little holes in the frame to make it all purdy. I even slicked it up with bondo so it was really smooth. I spent about a month doing this on the parts of the frame that will never be seen. No one said that I was smart. At least I can ride down the road knowing that underneath is a slick frame.

After removing every nut, bolt, and tab from the frame, I also took a crash course in painting. I have owned a spray gun for about 8 years now, and I finally put it to use. I discovered that painting the frame with the roll cage presented quite the challenge with all of the different angles (not to mention that I drug the air hose over fresh paint a couple of times and was constantly banging stuff with the paint gun). The neighbors still talk to me because of the attenuation properties of the face mask breather doohickey. I painted the back 75% of the frame with the intention of sitting the body back on and finishing the front part later. I wanted to pay attention to the front part due to the fact that it showed. (The frame is painted and the body is still off at the moment, so the plan was a bust).

The front end went a little smoother, but I even spent a week wet sanding and blending the bondo in. This is the point where I realized that I am not, nor ever will be, a professional body person. All my efforts seemed to be in vain when I painted it. All those blends and smooth areas really showed me that they weren't up to par after I sprayed them. I was horrified, but thankfully I am using epoxy primer and it's not that shiny. In other words, it looks better dry. Maybe this is stuff that only I'll notice anyway. After all, the goal isn't some shiny billet showcar here, it's a fast, nasty, make babies cry, loud, and fast ol' hot rod.

In between the frame bondo rounds, I spent lots of time on the interior of the body. I bravely sandblasted, wire brushed, welded gussets, removed wheel wells, and painted the inner panels. Let me tell you that since the car was originally hot rodded back in the 60's that all manner of adhesive was used to put carpet all over. I finally got the inner body lower parts all sealed up in epoxy primer and it actually looks good. Only 2 small pencil sized holes. The wheel wells were originally used as shock mounts!!! The results were spectacularly predictable... and I had to remove the disastered metal to hide the shame of the "Hey, I've got an idea" Budweiser engineering that went into it.

So now the frame is painted and in my mind, this is the point where all the parts are going to fly on in a matter of days. Wrong again. I spent days agonizing component location. I realized that a lot of things needed the body to be in place. In a word, I was overwhelmed. (I realize that I should have said "in a phrase", but let's move on). First was the front end. I had discovered that the spring mount center hole (where the top spring locating nipple goes in) was originally created with a blow torch. Even worse was the bondo that made it look like a round hole. This needed to be fixed for sure. I decided to weld up the hole and carefully measure the center of the plate and drill a new hole. No problem (other than the fact that my welding has only marginally improved, much due to the $50 auto darkening helmet from Northern that works excellently. If you are thinking about buying one, do it. Get the cheap ass solar powered one and start striking some arcs. After a good pressure washing, the front end was rolled over to the frame. While hooking up the 4 bars, there was simply too much thread showing on the rod ends to be ignored. My centered hole was wrong. I had to move it again. Dammit!

This time I got more smarter about it. I cut a piece of steel rod and made a plug to weld in. This worked like a charm and the front end was on and the rod ends were safely at 1.5 times the thread diameter into the tubes.

Finally, stuff started to progress. The rear end was assembled. Man, there's something about a 35 splined monster with a nodular 3.70 geared locker Ford 9 inch that is just wicked. I now have the brake lines plumbed - with the exception of the connection to the rear calipers. See, that's another delay. The folks at Moser sent me the "pro street" rear brake kit with the parking brake, which is actually a drum inside the rotor. Well, this simply didn't fit. It hit the screw in studs on the axles. So I called them and got the "Oh yeah, that combination doesn't work". Nice to know that no one told me about this during the 3 calls it took to get enough measurements to order it in the first place. They are great folks, but you really get differing opinions depending on who you talk to there. I got 3 different opinions on the locker vs. spool decision I was trying to make when I originally called. Their solution was to machine the heads on the screw in studs or send them the axles to get press in studs. (The press in studs are fine, but I have dual patterns drilled into the rear axles for wheel options). I finally sent the brakes back and got the disc only setup. Got it this Saturday. So now I am only 2 fittings away from having the brake system completely ready to test. Progress! It's SOOOO good to be able to say that I am done with the brakes. One little bend took me 6 hours to get right! (Okay, there was a re-weld involved there too when my bracket was only tacked to the frame and I put pressure on it). I will never weld anything structural, I promise!

Today I finally got around to installing the fuel pump and filter and now it's looking like I am pretty much at a point where the body has to go back on. There's still lots to do (Floors, all of the electrical, put the engine back in, create a steering system, etc).

In this last picture you can see the mounted pedal/master cylinder assembly and the rear brake line. I'm expecting my brake line fittings and front shocks this week and that'll mean that the body should be going on really soon. Since it looks cool, and really lends some creedance to the whole hot rod image, my magneto was sent off to Joe Hunt magetos to have an advance installed. I'll be buzzing radios all around Atlanta before you know it!

If it weren't for bad luck....

You know the rest. F@#king UPS! I finally found another transmission after getting jerked around for a month by some ass on racingjunk - a used Mike's Ultimate TH400 competition transmission. It was just freshened and cost me $1300 so far. Not bad considering that it's a $2200 piece new. Stout enough for a 3800 pound low 9 second car! I was dealing with an honest person (nice for a change) in California. He paid $140 for the UPS Store to package and ship this to me.





I arrived home at about 8:30pm from a long day at work to find a good sized box waiting for me in the driveway. Hmmm, cardboard with transmission fliud all over it. I carted it down to the garage and opened it up. After the first flap was opened, it was obvious that swomeone didn't know what the hell they were doing. The transmission was packaged in STYROFOAM and 2 cardboard boxes!!!! Frank (They guy I bought it from) told me that he paid the money and even gave them the hardware to mount it to a wooden frame. At least there is some liability on their part. Needless to say at this point that the transmission was destroyed completely. Thanks you F@#king UPS Store idiots. This is going to set everything back even further. Great!



Well, a week later... The UPS driver came and picked up the destroyed tranny. I was left with a slip of paper with a phone number on it. I called the number the next day at 10:30 in the morning, but I somehow missed the damage clerk. They were probably too busy damaging stuff. SInce I was calling from home, I'll reserve judgement on working hours. I left my number and waited for the return call... and waited....and waited. After 24 hours, I called again. As my good luck would have it, I was connected with the damage clerk. She was as disinterested in helping me as possible. Oh yes, complete with sighs and one word answers to complicated questions. After grilling her about the process, I found out that UPS will happily destroy something they ship and return it to the original shipper, and even refund the original shipper. Apparently getting my money back was "my problem, not theirs". Can you say FEDEX? I will next time.



Luckily, I am dealing with a truly stand up person in California. He is going to get the refund money and see if the transmission can be re-cased or have a super bell housing installed and send it back to me. Wow, there are good people left in the world. He has sworn off of UPS as well. Hey UPS, it's called customer service. Brown can do nothing for me anymore.



After a quick call to Donnie, we are going to find a junkyard TH400 so he can install the crossmember and driveshaft loop and get the car back to me. I'm not about to rush him - it's been 100+ degrees outside and his shop doesn't have AC.



Stay tuned as the saga continues.

Hot Rod Part 4: Christmas in August

Man, this is going to take a lot of parts.... If you have ever built or modified a car, I'm sure this might seem eerily familiar. I started reading Summit/Jeg's/Speedway catalogs like they were sacred manuscripts and the sky had just turned purple. I had lists and lists all over the place. Plumbing diagrams, part numbers, prices, everything compared... kits versus individual parts - even from seperate vendors. There was a lot of research on the internet too. How did we live without it? Oh yeah, we communicated with other people... went to the track and local shops and talked with the people who knew. I started looking for all kinds of parts that were top notch yet affordable. (You could even say used).

Patience and perseverance have paid off. My first project was the radiator. If you have ever had a car that likes to overheat, it sucks the fun out of driving it instantly. Atlanta isn't the place to have a marginal cooling system, either. Considering that I was running the original radiator in this car was enough gambling on the car's drivability. Fortunately, finding a radiator for this kind of car is pretty easy. Finding one that can cool a high strung big block is a little more difficult - especially if spending $600 on one is out of the question. I was saved by Racingjunk.com! There was an ad for an aluminum radiator... $279 or best offer. It looked like it would fit, but there was just one "thing". This brand new radiator had 4 of these 1/2"NPT threaded holes in the top instead of the large single outlet. I looked at the ad and went to work figuring out if I could make it work. I finally figured out a way, but it took a lot of research. I found a place that sells stainless steel thermostat housings for boats, and the housing has...4 1/2" NPT holes in it. Sweet! Now, instead of 1 radiator hose between my engine and radiator, I am going to have 4 small ones. It's going to be different for sure. The bonus here was the price had dropped while I was figgering... got it delivered for $200 even. Thanks Racingjunk!

Next was some bodywork (Yawn, I know). Let's just say it took me a week to fix the trunk lid. It had some cracks on the inner supports and glue stuff all over it. I ended up finally buying a cheap sandblaster to help (after a few hours of paint thinner and a wire brush on a drill...). I can tell you that as a novice welder, you can distinctly hear the sound as the weld goes through the 73 year old sheetmetal.

I finally acted on my now very detailed list. I had researched every fitting and component of the brake system. Since I was planning on running a brake pedal assembly that was under the floor, I had to buy 2 lb residual pressure valves (for front and rear disc brakes - fyi rear drums need the higher pressure ones). Sorry, I am liable to throw in little facts that I learned on the way. Back to the list.... It was done. Fuel system, check. Electrical system, check. Steering, braking, engine brackets, flywheel, transmission shims and cooler....check. Double check the prices...check. Wake up after adding up the total... check. Man, that was a big number.

In the parts order went. This took about a week, because every time I finished an order, about 400 things I'd forgotten jumped into my head. Hardware... damn. Plus, I needed to have some parts installed before I could order the next round. A prime example is figuring out how to mount the alternator when the water pump was changed from a long style to a short one. Sure, one of those low mount block-hugging ones would be killer - if I didn't have motorplates on the front of the engine. Man alive, this is getting complicated. I have the steering system change to deal with too...

I started working on the car while I waited for parts to come trickling in. I went for the low hanging fruit by starting on the rear end housing. It was covered in a nice coat of surface rust and generally looked bad. This was just a matter of spending some time with a grinder and a wire brush. After a few hours, it was sprayed down with some black epoxy based primer. It ended up being semi-gloss. Nice. That was going to be the topcoat for the frame. It looks good, clean without too much gloss. It'll practically sparkle under that flat black body.

Here is the rear back in the car.

Parts started trickling in. It took me 3 or 4 phone calls to Moser Engineering to get all of the measurements and pertinent information that I needed. I already had a 3.50 geared center section all ready to go. It had a brand new spool (this locks the axles together mechanically - it's not really the way to go for a street car, especially on curves or in the rain). You see, when a car goes around a curve, the inner wheel turns slower than the outer. If the axles are mechanically linked, the tire will chirp and screech it's way around the corner. If it's wet and you hit the gas... it's hello other direction. After numerous discussions with the tech people, I was talked into a spool and back out of it. I opted for a nodular center section (better metal than the housing that I had) and 35 spline axles, also with a locker. This is going to be one stout "bulletproof" rear. I do plan on throwing some slicks on this thing and heading out to the dragstrip at some point and I don't want to spray parts down the track.... This was expensive peace of mind.

I also opted for a serpentine belt system for the engine. Here's my thinking.... Every time the 406 hit the rev limiter (at 5800 rpms), it had a nasty habit of pitching the one and only accessory belt. This wasn't obvious until the car overheated, which sucked. Carrying a spare belt helped, but doing a monster burnout and having to pull over to check the belt (or watch the temperature gauge closely) just didn't fit in to my idea of fun. Plus (this is true) I went to the local (and closest auto parts store for 20 miles) O'Reilly store for a new belt. I approached the counter and told the clerk that I needed a V belt that was 45 inches long. Of course his reply was.... you know it... "What vehicle is this in?". Ummmm, I tried again and got the same question repeated back at me. After informing him that it's not going to be on his computer, he said "Try me". Okay, here goes. "It's a 72 model 400 small block with an Edelbrock long water pump in a 1934 Plymouth coupe". Deer in the headlights looking back at me. Finally, he disappeared into the shelving abyss. Later, he came out carrying a serpentine belt. To make matters even worse, it was 6 feet long! After informing him that I needed a V belt, he came back with a double V belt that was for some lawnmower (It was green). This back and forth continued until I finally gave up. This took 15 minutes out of my life, which is a very long time in an auto parts store line. I figure that I'll find out what Honda takes the same size serpentine belt and save my self some trouble in the future. I am sure the service would have been better if I was asking what neon kit would fit my Hyundai or what chrome coffee can exhaust tip I could put on my Mustang.

My rear end parts came in and instantly I went into a panic. The axles looked WAY too long. I am a newbie to Ford 9" rear ends, and I had just learned that the axles were different lengths (That was call #3 to Moser - figuring out what my pinion offset was). Since the measurements they had me take were only 3/4" different, I expected the axles to be 3/4" different. They weren't. They were like 8" different. I was all set to send them back when I decided to go ahead and mock up an axle and see how it was going to fit. Frustration again - it didn't even go all the way in. Th bearing that was pressed on to it was exactly the same size as the housing end. After a little honing (careful measuring found that the housing end was a little egg shaped) the axle went right in. The same with the other side. After I got them in, I noticed that they were practically touching. In my mind, this verified that they were too long. I even remeasured the whole rear end housing to make sure I had given the original measurements to them correctly. Yup, still 49".

I took a look at the center section and I could now plainly see that this was how the axles were supposed to be. Man, am I ever glad I didn't make that call back to Moser. I try to limit my exposure to the world as a dumbass, and every time it's avoided, it's a small victory for me.

I pulled the intake manifold off (It was in need of some cleaning). To do this, the distributor has to come out. When I pulled it out and laid it on the workbench, it started hemorrhaging oil from the distributor cap. Not good. No HEI for the ol' rod. As luck has it, I happen to have a Joe Hunt magneto. A little more nostalgic.... and buzzing the hell out of radios at stoplights only adds to the effect I am going for. I hope it causes check engine lights to go off in every car within a mile when I fire it up.... I have to send it out for a checkup and have an advance mechanism installed (it's locked out for the previous blower motor). Anyway, the intake was in very poor condition, so I sandblasted it. At some point the battery in the previous owner's car exploded, or something equally corrosive sat on the front half of it for a year. The first clue that I needed to take a closer look at the engine was the fact that the chrome 1 wire alternator on it was flaking chrome off of it like a bad dandruff commercial. Now I had looked the engine over, but I was more concerned with cam lobes and rod bearings, so the cosmetic stuff barely got a glance. It'll work for now, but a tunnel ran or blower are in the future for this engine anyway.

Here's the engine after I cleaned it up and painted it:

This is how the car left the garage. I have the parts to plumb the brakes, plumb the cooling (except the funky curved lower radiator hose I have to come up with), plumb the transmission, etc.

Here's some of the other lessons I have learned. Don't shim your starter until you bolt the flexplate on to the engine. Um, it flexes and moves about 1/4" after its bolted down. That lesson only cost me $10 for the shim kit and I now know how to shim the inner workings of a CSR high torque starter.

Here's the CNC brake pedal assembly I am going with:

I also took a picture with the fuel cell sitting in place.

So, as it sits now, the car is back at Donnies getting the seat brackets welded in. He's also going to mount the brake pedal assembly and make a driveshaft loop. I finally have a transmission on it's way (A used Mike's TH400 that'll handle 1000 horsepower). The sidepipe headers that I got didn't fit, so Donnie is going to lengthen the primary tubes so they'll go on the car. I'm planning on coating them with this shiny black coating..... He's also going to mount the new Vega style steering box too. Then it's back to me for rear end assembly, driveshaft measuring and installation, wiring the car (a Painless wiring system is waiting...), plumbing the brakes, plumbing the fuel system, and a few other things like figuring out the steering components. I'll start doing some detailed and a little more technical stuff on here for those things - if anything interesting pops up. Stay tuned!

Hot Rod Part 3: Destroying a perfectly good 1934 Coupe

It takes a brave person to drive a fast car. It takes an even braver one to cut one up into pieces and try to make it faster. .... or maybe just an insane one. Either way, this is exactly what I did. I took my dream car and took it apart... not just a little bit, but I took it apart as far as it goes. Yes, blow torches and cutting implements were used. I have plans to put it back together. Better, faster, stronger.... and certainly under a 6 million dollar budget.



If you have been reading the previous stuff, you have probably come to the conclusion that this car might need a thing or two repaired. Shimmying and shaking at highway speeds isn't the desired way to get down the road. I have done some medium level car work in the past. I have removed and installed engines and transmissions, rear ends, suspension components, etc. I can rebuild a carburetor or an engine. I have put together some medium powered stuff (Less than 500 horsepower) and haven't had any catastrophic failures (Yet...). I've never attempted to rebuild an automatic transmission . My welding is... well, it's crap. It's fine to stick together the wine bottle holder (because if it breaks, it doesn't make much difference to me because I am not much of a wine person). Now if it's a critical component on a chassis, well that's a much different story.



I realized that my chassis needed work. Lots of work - probably expensive. Okay, not probably - definitely. I have looked at the chassis prices in the catalogs.... $7000, $11,000, $14,000.... Name your price. Of course if you happen to be a skilled welder and have the know-how.. you can put one together much cheaper. Well, I barely trust my welding skills on wine that I could care less about. When the welding is in a (hopefully) 700 horsepower going down a track/road at well over a hundred miles an hour... I want to know that somebody that knew what they were doing was at the helm when the weld happened. Since I don't know any welders, the car pretty much sat. I overhorsepowered the car and didn't know what to do.



Now this is a predicament that can't be one that I am alone in. There are too many marginal cars out there that people buy and count on to be right that turn out to be "needy". Most guys I know see the car they are about to purchase for it's potential. I think women (thankfully) work this way on guys... "He's a fixer upper". I have been on the receiving end of many deals that ended up being shitty. It's buyer beware out there and it only takes one engine coming apart on you to tell you that you need to learn more. Now before I go off on a tangent here, most off the people out there selling stuff are honest people who will tell you exactly what they are trying to sell. And then there are the 10% of people who will dog the shit out of a motor/car/car part, fix it so it will run for 10 more minutes, and lie their asses off to get rid of it. Even the most scrutinizing inspections will sometimes come up short. I like to think that these people will "get theirs" someday, hopefully on a piece of medical equipment that keeps them from feeling pain. Sure buddy, a little old lady had it - barely used it. If you haven't been screwed buying used parts, then you are either extremely lucky or you haven't been doing this long. I don't care what your financial situation is, most hot rodders at some time or another end up buying something used.



I have this bad habit of keeping track of what's for sale on the internet. There is a deal that occaisionally pops up that doesn't last long and I like to be one of the first ones to see it. It sucks to find that object of desire that is priced right and miss owning it by a day or even minutes. It's more of a habit than anything else, plus it really gives me an idea of what stuff is selling for. I was bowsing through the ads one day and I ran across this sweet ride.... a 1934 Chevy Coupe. It was almost everything my car wasn't... blown big block, yellow paint, and it was reasonably priced. I started doing some addition in my mind... I couldn't possibly build this car for what it was being sold for.



Now, let me tell you what little knowledge I have about buying cars like this. There is always a reason the car is being sold. You have to be a good judge of character to really figure out what is going on with the deal. Not all cars are being sold so the proceeds can help cure cancer. If you get into this stuff, it's a good idea to be able to identify the people who are really selling their unfinished project because they have a kid going into college from the person who got a killer deal at some auction and are waiting for a sucker to come along and unload it on. A little investigation goes a long way. We are all looking for that person who is selling the car for less than it's really worth, but there are 10 people who are counting on that frame of mind to unload a piece of junk on. Plus, getting over the initial excitement and looking at everything as it is presented to you in a balanced way will save you from certain emotional and financial pain. Most people don't lie, they just don't tell you all of the facts. Knowing what questions to ask can be helpful at uncovering the covered information. For example, when I called about the car, I was told that it used to be the fastest 1934 Chevrolet coupe in the world. Wow, quite a pedigree. This was pretty effective is helping me rationalize what looked like shitty welding underneath the car (or at least some homemade ladder bars). Surely the car had to pass a technical inspection at a track before it was raced which means that it's a good start for a stout street car. Secondly I was told that a famous company made it's mold for their 1934 fiberglass cars off of this very car. This was a good way to convince me that the body was as good as it looked in the pictures. So far, I was actually liking what I heard. Now to ask about the engine. I got the "I don't know anything about the engine - I didn't build it" answer. On a car like this, the engine is the showpiece. It's probably worth as much as the car itself. To build an engine like this correctly would cost at least $10,000. A junk yard special could be put together for as little as $4000 or less. I didn't want to drive across the country and find out that this was the latter. Any person who owns a car like this will always be able to tell you details about the engine. Always. Even if they aren't experts, they can at least tell you basics or refer you to the shop of person that put it together. But to claim to know nothing about it is the same as saying that it is a junkyard piece of shit. This kind of person is hoping that you wil be blinded by the rest of the car, which was not worth the price if the engine turned out to be junk. The last clue came in one of the pictures. There was antifreeze on the pavement under the car in one of the pictures. This told me that the car either overheated in the short time it ran while pulling out of the garage, or it simply had a leak - not a good sign of faith, especially if you are about to spend so much money you won't have much left over to do any major repairs. I looked at what I had already and started to compare buying the Chevy and fixing up the Plymouth. To do either... some cash had to come into my life, which means that something had to go. The something in this case would be my motorcycle - which had been sitting most of the time since we moved to the Atlanta area. I put the ol' for sale sign on it and listed it on the internet too.

I thought that it would be easy to sell a motorcycle that cost me $20,000 and was only 2 years old with 3800 miles on it for $12,000. This bike was perfect, but it had one problem - it was a Victory brand motorcycle. "The new American Motorcycle". Yup, the one that loses 50% of it's value in 2 years or less. What a HUGE mistake that motorcycle was. I wrote more about it in the other article...

I think my price was a little too low. It seemed to scare more people away because they couldn't figure out why such a great bike was so cheap. (I originally tried to get what it was valued at ($15,000) with no luck at all). Finally a person stopped by and took the bike for a quick test ride and realized that I wasn't trying to rip anyone off. He wanted the bike. A week after we finalized the price, he called and let me know that there was a problem with his fianances... you know the rest. But wait, you don't. It so happens that this guy builds cars for a living. Old cars. Fast cars. How fast? Try 3500 horsepower 200+ mile an hour in the quarter mile fast. Yup, nostalgia top fuel funny cars. After more negotiating than a hostile takeover of AT&T, we finally reached a preliminary deal. He was going to fix my chassis and more. He was so reasonably priced that I would pay cash for his work if the deal couldn't get finalized. The car was disassembled and the engine was sold.

There's even a sidenote on the engine sale. This engine cost me $4500 to build. It's an aluminum headed 406 small block Chevy that makes about 450 horsepower and had only the best parts in it. I was selling it for $1500. It sold fast. They guy that bought it called me while I was at work in Macon, Georgia. (I live 100 miles away). We were trying to figure out how to get together to make the transaction when we realized that we were about 5 miles away from each other. After a short drive, a check was written and the next weekend the engine was gone.

The car was completely taken apart. Donnie (the guy who wanted the bike) and I agreed on the work to be done and a cash price in case the bike part of the deal fell through. The car was going to have the frame boxed. Normally, a car frame looks like the letter "C" just elongated. It's pretty strong, but it can still flex under severe loads. Boxing the frame is simply welding more metal on the frame to close the open part of the "C" and make it into more of a "D". This stiffens and strengthens the frame dramatically. The car was also going to have a new Ford 9" housing, Ladder bars, a 6 point roll bar, the body moved back 3" and up 1" (this was to allow a supercharged big block to fit in the chassis, and to give me an extra inch of badly needed headroom. The engine was also gong to be mounted to motor plates instead of motor mounts. This would get rid of any and all homemade crossmembers for good. Here is a picture of the work in progress:


The stripped car on it's way out.









To state the obvious, this car isn't a concourse billet hot rod that has chrome everything on it. I hope it never becomes that, to be honest. The term "Ratrod" gets thrown around a lot nowadays, and I am not building one. People will still call it that and I'll always get the "What color are you going to paint it?" and "When's it going to be finished?" questions because of the flat black paint.

As I was dismantling everything, I was nervous about what I would find. We (we being family members) have purchased cars in the past with all kinds of "engineering", even including body panels being held on by that foam in a can stuff. I really expected to find some horrible surprises under the carpet. This is a 73 year old car after all. As I removed stuff, things started looking bad. Under the carpet was duct tape... under that, foam blocks. This was to help give the appearance of metal that just wasn't there. As it turned out, most of the bad stuff was cut out of the car..... leaving a pretty solid body. What a relief. The only damaged metal was on the inner wheel wells, which are being cut out anyway. Whew!



Here's the frame/chassis with the body off. Definately a "before" shot.




And here is the boxed frame with the 9" housing and ladder bars.


Here is some of the stuff that came off the frame:








This is the rear that was under the car.... probably a 3.08 open 12 bolt.


And the body - the firewall and entire floor were going to be cut out. There was even a section of frame welded to the 1/8" thick floor! Talk about weight!







Next the cage was welded in and the body was reunited with the stronger and lighter frame. It started to look like a car again.



The Original deal consisted of a blown 427 Big block to be thrown in with all of the frame work, but I was looking at a lot more money to go into that engine. It was a block and heads with a blower. No ignition or carbs, etc. I was tempted to go with it because the engine was stout and I already had the ignition and a set of 850 douple pumper Holley's that came off of my 69 Chevelle blower motor. But still, it's the little things that get you... starter... Flywheel....it all starts to add up. So I declined on that engine. Donnie found a 454 that was complete and was 99% there. It was naturally aspirated, but it's a start. Plus I needed a cheap powerplant for now, and big blocks aren't the cheapest way to go. In it went.

Here is the car with the engine in it. This is how it came home from the shop. So far, the frame was boxed, new rear housing and ladderbars, roll bar installed, motor plates and engine installed.

Wow, my "to do" list is overwhelming: Brake system (even the pedal assembly), Wire the entire car, Find a transmission (The TH700R4 that came out isn't strong enough for the horsepower I plan to make). I had to buy axles and a center section.... rear brakes.... seats...interior.... Oh crap this is a lot of stuff!

Definitely a "To be continued"!

My Badass Lawnmower

This is what happens when there's nothing to do on the car and you have a welder. The looks I get when I mow the lawn are priceless.....





Here's the mower before:



Pretty plain, huh? That's what I was thinking too. then I realized that I had a welder and some spare time on my hands. Everything else was planned on the way back from getting the parts. A few hours later, the Hot Rod Mower was born:




Scroll down......

2 Wheeled Addiction - A brief history of motorcycles and me.....

I have been 2 wheel free for a month now. This is difficult, especially with the weather being so nice. It's been a downward spiral for me as far as motorcycling goes. My last effort was even an American air-cooled v-twin. It wasn't a frickin' Harley, either. I hate Harley's. I wouldn't piss on one if it were on fire. I know it's American, but to me they represent everything wrong with our society.... more ranting about them later in another posting.

I grew up near Deal's Gap. This is a section of highway 129 that lies between Tennessee and North Carolina. They advertise 318 curves in 11 miles, and I can tell you it's one of the best rides on a motorcycle in the U.S. Well, it used to be. Now it's a victim of it's own success. Fortunately for me I no longer live anywhere near the place, otherwise I would be tempted to ride up there when I had time - which would be on a weekend. There once was a time when the locals (us) pretty much had it to ourselves and could make a few passes through there and only have to contend with local traffic. Now the "Dragon" is famous and everybody on 2 wheels shows up all weekend long just to ride it. We're talking about people from states with 3 curves and these guys are treating this place like it's their own personal track day. Unfortunately when they crash it's not always a single vehicle wreck.

This is a public road. That being said, there are a few types of people who ride through there. We have the Cruisers who just want to putt their bikes through there and enjoy the curves at their own pace. There are also the sport bike riders who want to challenge themselves and their skills. This place can be the ultimate challenge - mainly because mistakes result in crashes that either go into the side of the mountain, or clean off of it. Yes, people get hurt and even killed on a very regular basis. There are other types of riders, car clubs, and normal traffic that hits the Gap on weekends. I gave up when the ratio of idiots exceeded my tolerance threshold. You can only deal with almost being killed by a "flatlander" who can't keep his bike in his own lane so many times. Oh, and the Harley parades. These behemoths are not made for curves of any type, and the "Me too" Harley crowd travels like a pack of lumbering wildebeasts through the mountains, clogging up the road for hours. The funniest part is when they "show" the sportbikers how fast their Hog can be - usually ending up in pieces in a ditch. I have even watched them crash in the parking lot of the gas station at the "end" of the Gap. You can expect this type of behaviour from 400,000 people per year buying into this brand, ironically to be different (just like everyone else).

It's not only them though, idiocy is an equal opportunity employer. Young and old, sportbike and cruiser. Trikes (3 wheeled abortions of machinery) are ALWAYS in this category. Especially on this highway. You can see the multiple websites dedicated to this once great riding highway by searching for "Deal's Gap" or "Dragon's Tail", etc. Anyway, growing up and living in this area almost dictated that I ride a motorcycle. The terrain dictated that it be a decent bike that could go around a corner.

This place has a learning curve. No one goes through fast at first. There's a lot to learn - curves of all kinds, elevation changes, and mistakes to recover from. If you ride through there enough times, you will crash. Fortunately for me, my older brother gave me a lot to learn without the bodily damage. He was not only one of the fastest people I have ever seen up there, he was an excellent teacher. My first pass through there was on a Yamaha V-Max. This bike is NOT the right tool for the job. It's only good for one thing - embarrassing bikes of all makes in a straight line. Harley Davidson is making such a huge stink about it's V-rod model, and the funny thing is Yamaha built a bike that will still leave a new V-rod crying like a baby, and they did it in 1985. Can you tell I love H-D? Harley creates thousands of marketing victims daily.

So I spent pass after pass learning how to coax this overweight behemoth through the curves and eventually go pretty good. This started me on a string of bikes that were gradually more and more adapted for this type of riding.

Outside of the Gap was a different story for me. I loved going fast. My brother has the ability to confine the aggressive driving to the Gap, while I was likely to push the envelope in all types of traffic situations. Before I go any further, let me tell you that I don't stunt. Sure, it's great to watch, and I respect the abilities that go into wheelies and stoppies and standing burnouts, etc. In my book, if you are riding on the back wheel with the front hoisted up in the air, I'm busy blowing by you accelerating. The only stoppies I ever executed were purely accidental, but saved me from going off of the mountain after a huge mistake.

I did make my mistakes too. My first was in Florida. I was on my way to my separation physical to get out of the Navy. These things took months to schedule and if you missed it, you didn't get out. After almost 10 years, I was ready to get out. Well, it was 5:30 am and I found myself racing down the mind-numbingly straight roads of Florida - at about 110 mph. Yawn. I had done this soooo many times. I knew my braking points, local cop hangouts, etc. What I didn't know was the precise piece of road that I decided to begin to slow down at was covered by farmer Bill's hydraulic fluid from his tractor. Splash. Hello pavement at an estimated 100 mph. I woke up on the other side of the intersection in a barbed wire fence and I felt pain all over. I realized that the pain wasn't all due to the crash, a good portion was due to the fact that I had landed in a fire ant colony. What good luck. The bike was off of the road and I was eventually found and whisked away to the nearest hospital - a full hour away.

Well, the bike was rebuilt, I recovered and continued to ride like an idiot. I forced myself to take a break after my road rage incident. You see, it was the first day of spring and I was on my way to get new tires on the ol' V-max over my lunch break. Traffic was lunchtime heavy, and I got irritated when some cell phone talking soccer mom tried to kill me by changing lanes with no signals and right on top of me. How nice. Payback time.

I pulled into the left lane (where she just came from) and dropped it down 2 gears and prepared to assault her eardrums with the race exhaust on my bike. This thing was LOUD, and it always brought a smile to my face to interrupt cell phone talking drivers whenever I could. Well, just as I was going to further clear up any misunderstandings by extending my middle finger, I looked up and saw a car that was broken down in my lane. I got exactly 2 feet of braking done when I slammed into the center of the non-moving car at about 50 mph. I remember watching my hand slam into the trunk before everything went blurry as I catapulted over the car. The spinning suddenly stopped when I hit the asphalt (face first) and found myself sliding along the road face down - but acutely aware of the cars sliding all around me. I just waited for that inevitable tire to hit me. Fortunately it never came. Apparently this happened right in front of 2 police officers who both felt that I had suffered enough and didn't ticket me. The hospital was right around the corner and the 1/4 mile ambulance ride was only $575. The bike and car were demolished. Thank goodness for a full faced helmet and riding gloves and jacket. That was the end of my riding forever.

Well, until the next year anyway. I figured that some self-help in anger management were due and that lessons learned this way are definitely ones that stick with you. The next summer I found myself on a Suzuki TL1000S. This bike was made to be fast through the curves and it was pretty nimble. Many a poser felt surprise as I passed their "superior" race replica sportbike in the winding mountain roads. Now, before you get the idea that I am getting a little full of myself - I had a friend and my brother that were fast riders. Professional fast. We even talked about getting an endurance team together and trying our hand at racing. I was the #3 rider among the group, by quite a margin. There's always someone faster, and fortunately I could learn from them.

But the TL was a piece of shit. That's the nicest way I can put it. It had a problem with the fuel injection that made corner exits tricky. The engine was an an on/off switch and it tried to throw me off a few times coming out of corners. I had to relearn the meaning of throttle control, but eventually I could keep up with my insane brother on his Ducati 998. Barely.

This is what to do before you put on your new rear tire.....

The need for change was inevitable. The mountains were getting more and more clogged by people trying their hand at curves, and it was getting more and more dangerous. We used to hit the Gap during the week when there were no people (or cops) and just have a blast. Having a job tends to take away those weekday afternoons, and after dealing with the WORST DEALERSHIP EVER over repairs, I got rid of the TL. You see, it had major engine problems too. Apparently the worker who assembled the pistons put the rings on upside down. This means that the engine loses power the longer it runs. After 6000 miles, it was terrible. Fortunately for me, it was under warranty. Unfortunately for me, it took them 11 months to finally get it fixed, and it was never right. Not once, but twice I left the dealership on my fixed bike, only to have it oil down my rear tire the instant I got it on the interstate. 11 months of waiting and finally it at least held oil in the engine - just long enough for me to sell it. If you ever find yourself in Knoxville, TN, let's just say you'd be better by avoiding Alcoa Highway for ANY motorcycle purchases or maintenance.

Here we are, pre-crash. I knew it was bad luck to take a picture before we went!

Next was the Hayabusa. Suzuki decided that they needed to build a motorcycle that would do the better part of 200 mph. When I first saw one at the dealer display at Road Atlanta, I mocked it and laughed at it's ugliness. Little did I know that 2 years of reading about how fast this thing was would lead me into a dealership and buy one. Solid black paint with black wheels. Fast it was. The factory decided to limit the top speed to 186 mph after the over protected people of Europe's governments threatened to outlaw the bikes. Thanks EU! I can clearly see why the events of 1776 happened. You have to love a government that takes most of your money away from you so it can protect you from yourself, citizen. Enough politics - we're talking motorcycles here!

After 3 years of having this bike, I realized that a steady diet of 150+ mph blasts were going to eventually shorten either my life or driving privileges dramatically. Enough was enough, and the Hayabusa and I parted ways. It was, and will probably always will be, the bike that matched my riding style the most. Fast and an okay handling machine. It was capable of knee dragging (after setting it up better than factory) and I hit the limiter more than once - at 186 mph on public roadways. Unfortunately the speed and acceleration were addictive - and my passing of a local cop at 170 mph helped my decision to sell it. This was accompanied by my brother's spectacular crash off of the side of the mountain. How he lived through it I'll never know, but thanks to Angelle Sampey (The pro-stock motorcycle drag racer who stopped with her "posse" and helped pull the bike back) we got him and the Ducati back home. The picture below was all that was left of the bike after the crash. This is what happens when you ride the Dragon after being up all night working. Thankfully there is a camaraderie among bikers, usually divided between the sportbikers and the cruiser types. We later helped Angelle find her husband after he wiped out - keep on the good side of Karma!

I decided to go the route of the cruiser. Big, heavy, slow, and cool looking was the new way for me. My absolute hate of all things Harley prevented me from getting one of the mass produced bikes for the individual - so I got a Victory Hammer.

Victory is a new player on the block, but in 2005 they started to get things right by designing a bike that looked like a true custom with a fat tire on the back and a 100 cubic inch engine. It's a shame that they lose 50% of their value in the first year and a half. If you are going to buy American, buy Harley. I hate everything about HD except the fact that they don't decrease in value nearly as bad as anything from Victory. Don't believe the Kelley Blue book or NADA values - I just found out first hand that a 2 year old $20k "out the door" bike will sit for sale for a year at $12k - even with 3000 miles and a full warranty. Heavily advertised. If you go to the Victory forum and mention this, your email seems to "magically" end up on the worst lists for spam. Apparently the truth will get you spammed over there. They even accused me of being a Harley person. ME!

Now, for those of you who don't know motorcycles, these bikes are slugs. They look cool, sound mean, and most are loud. But they are usually as slow (or slower) as a fast car (which for motorcycles is slow) and they handle like boats. In an effort to control myself with the speed thing, I thought that this was the way to go. I will admit that I enjoyed the bike immensely, but the local traffic here near Atlanta is beyond the pale.... There are 20 idiots out of 100 cars that you encounter. Everyone is more important than you and will pass, cut you off, and slam on their brakes as they realize that they have to exit right now - all without a second thought. If they focus on anything outside of their cell phone conversation, it had better be imminent danger to themselves for it to even get noticed. Unfortunately, motorcycles don't even appear as a blip on their radar. If the woman in the BMW doesn't plow into you from behind because she's too busy texting her boyfriend to tell him that her husband is out of town, then the minivan with no mirrors along side of you might take you out. Oh yes, and the ladders, mattresses, sofas, paint cans, roofing nails, and road gators (blown truck tires) are certainly a threat to your existence when you are on a bike. As an added bonus, we are flooded with illegal aliens who can't seem to keep the construction materials on top of their van (with no tags or insurance). As a matter of fact, a family member was almost impaled by the 2X4 that flew out of a construction truck and went through their windshield. The truck was stopped and yep, it was illegals with no insurance that couldn't speak English. They were let go.

There's also: angry ethnic minority person who "deserves" to be in front of you at any cost, the man compensating for having a small penis by driving a truck jacked up 4 feet in the air and who likes to intimidate people by following way too closely, Dr. "more important than you" in his Lexus/7 Series/Benz, Granny, Anybody in a Hummer, The liberal who can't see out of their rear window of their electric car because it's so full of stickers declaring war on war (and fur, and thinking), the conservative who has the same series of stickers countering the liberals points, Big rigs.... the list is endless. My point is that each and every one of the idiots will live to reproduce if they tangle with a motorcycle. I (being on the motorcycle) will not.

So I am giving up for now. It lasted for a year the last time it happened, even with the dragbike. Who knows how long it'll go this time. Motorcycling is something that gets in you soul and just doesn't go away. I bought a street legal Honda 100cc bike to run around the yard with.... maybe it'll keep the urges at bay.