2 Wheeled Addiction - A brief history of motorcycles and me.....

I have been 2 wheel free for a month now. This is difficult, especially with the weather being so nice. It's been a downward spiral for me as far as motorcycling goes. My last effort was even an American air-cooled v-twin. It wasn't a frickin' Harley, either. I hate Harley's. I wouldn't piss on one if it were on fire. I know it's American, but to me they represent everything wrong with our society.... more ranting about them later in another posting.

I grew up near Deal's Gap. This is a section of highway 129 that lies between Tennessee and North Carolina. They advertise 318 curves in 11 miles, and I can tell you it's one of the best rides on a motorcycle in the U.S. Well, it used to be. Now it's a victim of it's own success. Fortunately for me I no longer live anywhere near the place, otherwise I would be tempted to ride up there when I had time - which would be on a weekend. There once was a time when the locals (us) pretty much had it to ourselves and could make a few passes through there and only have to contend with local traffic. Now the "Dragon" is famous and everybody on 2 wheels shows up all weekend long just to ride it. We're talking about people from states with 3 curves and these guys are treating this place like it's their own personal track day. Unfortunately when they crash it's not always a single vehicle wreck.

This is a public road. That being said, there are a few types of people who ride through there. We have the Cruisers who just want to putt their bikes through there and enjoy the curves at their own pace. There are also the sport bike riders who want to challenge themselves and their skills. This place can be the ultimate challenge - mainly because mistakes result in crashes that either go into the side of the mountain, or clean off of it. Yes, people get hurt and even killed on a very regular basis. There are other types of riders, car clubs, and normal traffic that hits the Gap on weekends. I gave up when the ratio of idiots exceeded my tolerance threshold. You can only deal with almost being killed by a "flatlander" who can't keep his bike in his own lane so many times. Oh, and the Harley parades. These behemoths are not made for curves of any type, and the "Me too" Harley crowd travels like a pack of lumbering wildebeasts through the mountains, clogging up the road for hours. The funniest part is when they "show" the sportbikers how fast their Hog can be - usually ending up in pieces in a ditch. I have even watched them crash in the parking lot of the gas station at the "end" of the Gap. You can expect this type of behaviour from 400,000 people per year buying into this brand, ironically to be different (just like everyone else).

It's not only them though, idiocy is an equal opportunity employer. Young and old, sportbike and cruiser. Trikes (3 wheeled abortions of machinery) are ALWAYS in this category. Especially on this highway. You can see the multiple websites dedicated to this once great riding highway by searching for "Deal's Gap" or "Dragon's Tail", etc. Anyway, growing up and living in this area almost dictated that I ride a motorcycle. The terrain dictated that it be a decent bike that could go around a corner.

This place has a learning curve. No one goes through fast at first. There's a lot to learn - curves of all kinds, elevation changes, and mistakes to recover from. If you ride through there enough times, you will crash. Fortunately for me, my older brother gave me a lot to learn without the bodily damage. He was not only one of the fastest people I have ever seen up there, he was an excellent teacher. My first pass through there was on a Yamaha V-Max. This bike is NOT the right tool for the job. It's only good for one thing - embarrassing bikes of all makes in a straight line. Harley Davidson is making such a huge stink about it's V-rod model, and the funny thing is Yamaha built a bike that will still leave a new V-rod crying like a baby, and they did it in 1985. Can you tell I love H-D? Harley creates thousands of marketing victims daily.

So I spent pass after pass learning how to coax this overweight behemoth through the curves and eventually go pretty good. This started me on a string of bikes that were gradually more and more adapted for this type of riding.

Outside of the Gap was a different story for me. I loved going fast. My brother has the ability to confine the aggressive driving to the Gap, while I was likely to push the envelope in all types of traffic situations. Before I go any further, let me tell you that I don't stunt. Sure, it's great to watch, and I respect the abilities that go into wheelies and stoppies and standing burnouts, etc. In my book, if you are riding on the back wheel with the front hoisted up in the air, I'm busy blowing by you accelerating. The only stoppies I ever executed were purely accidental, but saved me from going off of the mountain after a huge mistake.

I did make my mistakes too. My first was in Florida. I was on my way to my separation physical to get out of the Navy. These things took months to schedule and if you missed it, you didn't get out. After almost 10 years, I was ready to get out. Well, it was 5:30 am and I found myself racing down the mind-numbingly straight roads of Florida - at about 110 mph. Yawn. I had done this soooo many times. I knew my braking points, local cop hangouts, etc. What I didn't know was the precise piece of road that I decided to begin to slow down at was covered by farmer Bill's hydraulic fluid from his tractor. Splash. Hello pavement at an estimated 100 mph. I woke up on the other side of the intersection in a barbed wire fence and I felt pain all over. I realized that the pain wasn't all due to the crash, a good portion was due to the fact that I had landed in a fire ant colony. What good luck. The bike was off of the road and I was eventually found and whisked away to the nearest hospital - a full hour away.

Well, the bike was rebuilt, I recovered and continued to ride like an idiot. I forced myself to take a break after my road rage incident. You see, it was the first day of spring and I was on my way to get new tires on the ol' V-max over my lunch break. Traffic was lunchtime heavy, and I got irritated when some cell phone talking soccer mom tried to kill me by changing lanes with no signals and right on top of me. How nice. Payback time.

I pulled into the left lane (where she just came from) and dropped it down 2 gears and prepared to assault her eardrums with the race exhaust on my bike. This thing was LOUD, and it always brought a smile to my face to interrupt cell phone talking drivers whenever I could. Well, just as I was going to further clear up any misunderstandings by extending my middle finger, I looked up and saw a car that was broken down in my lane. I got exactly 2 feet of braking done when I slammed into the center of the non-moving car at about 50 mph. I remember watching my hand slam into the trunk before everything went blurry as I catapulted over the car. The spinning suddenly stopped when I hit the asphalt (face first) and found myself sliding along the road face down - but acutely aware of the cars sliding all around me. I just waited for that inevitable tire to hit me. Fortunately it never came. Apparently this happened right in front of 2 police officers who both felt that I had suffered enough and didn't ticket me. The hospital was right around the corner and the 1/4 mile ambulance ride was only $575. The bike and car were demolished. Thank goodness for a full faced helmet and riding gloves and jacket. That was the end of my riding forever.

Well, until the next year anyway. I figured that some self-help in anger management were due and that lessons learned this way are definitely ones that stick with you. The next summer I found myself on a Suzuki TL1000S. This bike was made to be fast through the curves and it was pretty nimble. Many a poser felt surprise as I passed their "superior" race replica sportbike in the winding mountain roads. Now, before you get the idea that I am getting a little full of myself - I had a friend and my brother that were fast riders. Professional fast. We even talked about getting an endurance team together and trying our hand at racing. I was the #3 rider among the group, by quite a margin. There's always someone faster, and fortunately I could learn from them.

But the TL was a piece of shit. That's the nicest way I can put it. It had a problem with the fuel injection that made corner exits tricky. The engine was an an on/off switch and it tried to throw me off a few times coming out of corners. I had to relearn the meaning of throttle control, but eventually I could keep up with my insane brother on his Ducati 998. Barely.

This is what to do before you put on your new rear tire.....

The need for change was inevitable. The mountains were getting more and more clogged by people trying their hand at curves, and it was getting more and more dangerous. We used to hit the Gap during the week when there were no people (or cops) and just have a blast. Having a job tends to take away those weekday afternoons, and after dealing with the WORST DEALERSHIP EVER over repairs, I got rid of the TL. You see, it had major engine problems too. Apparently the worker who assembled the pistons put the rings on upside down. This means that the engine loses power the longer it runs. After 6000 miles, it was terrible. Fortunately for me, it was under warranty. Unfortunately for me, it took them 11 months to finally get it fixed, and it was never right. Not once, but twice I left the dealership on my fixed bike, only to have it oil down my rear tire the instant I got it on the interstate. 11 months of waiting and finally it at least held oil in the engine - just long enough for me to sell it. If you ever find yourself in Knoxville, TN, let's just say you'd be better by avoiding Alcoa Highway for ANY motorcycle purchases or maintenance.

Here we are, pre-crash. I knew it was bad luck to take a picture before we went!

Next was the Hayabusa. Suzuki decided that they needed to build a motorcycle that would do the better part of 200 mph. When I first saw one at the dealer display at Road Atlanta, I mocked it and laughed at it's ugliness. Little did I know that 2 years of reading about how fast this thing was would lead me into a dealership and buy one. Solid black paint with black wheels. Fast it was. The factory decided to limit the top speed to 186 mph after the over protected people of Europe's governments threatened to outlaw the bikes. Thanks EU! I can clearly see why the events of 1776 happened. You have to love a government that takes most of your money away from you so it can protect you from yourself, citizen. Enough politics - we're talking motorcycles here!

After 3 years of having this bike, I realized that a steady diet of 150+ mph blasts were going to eventually shorten either my life or driving privileges dramatically. Enough was enough, and the Hayabusa and I parted ways. It was, and will probably always will be, the bike that matched my riding style the most. Fast and an okay handling machine. It was capable of knee dragging (after setting it up better than factory) and I hit the limiter more than once - at 186 mph on public roadways. Unfortunately the speed and acceleration were addictive - and my passing of a local cop at 170 mph helped my decision to sell it. This was accompanied by my brother's spectacular crash off of the side of the mountain. How he lived through it I'll never know, but thanks to Angelle Sampey (The pro-stock motorcycle drag racer who stopped with her "posse" and helped pull the bike back) we got him and the Ducati back home. The picture below was all that was left of the bike after the crash. This is what happens when you ride the Dragon after being up all night working. Thankfully there is a camaraderie among bikers, usually divided between the sportbikers and the cruiser types. We later helped Angelle find her husband after he wiped out - keep on the good side of Karma!

I decided to go the route of the cruiser. Big, heavy, slow, and cool looking was the new way for me. My absolute hate of all things Harley prevented me from getting one of the mass produced bikes for the individual - so I got a Victory Hammer.

Victory is a new player on the block, but in 2005 they started to get things right by designing a bike that looked like a true custom with a fat tire on the back and a 100 cubic inch engine. It's a shame that they lose 50% of their value in the first year and a half. If you are going to buy American, buy Harley. I hate everything about HD except the fact that they don't decrease in value nearly as bad as anything from Victory. Don't believe the Kelley Blue book or NADA values - I just found out first hand that a 2 year old $20k "out the door" bike will sit for sale for a year at $12k - even with 3000 miles and a full warranty. Heavily advertised. If you go to the Victory forum and mention this, your email seems to "magically" end up on the worst lists for spam. Apparently the truth will get you spammed over there. They even accused me of being a Harley person. ME!

Now, for those of you who don't know motorcycles, these bikes are slugs. They look cool, sound mean, and most are loud. But they are usually as slow (or slower) as a fast car (which for motorcycles is slow) and they handle like boats. In an effort to control myself with the speed thing, I thought that this was the way to go. I will admit that I enjoyed the bike immensely, but the local traffic here near Atlanta is beyond the pale.... There are 20 idiots out of 100 cars that you encounter. Everyone is more important than you and will pass, cut you off, and slam on their brakes as they realize that they have to exit right now - all without a second thought. If they focus on anything outside of their cell phone conversation, it had better be imminent danger to themselves for it to even get noticed. Unfortunately, motorcycles don't even appear as a blip on their radar. If the woman in the BMW doesn't plow into you from behind because she's too busy texting her boyfriend to tell him that her husband is out of town, then the minivan with no mirrors along side of you might take you out. Oh yes, and the ladders, mattresses, sofas, paint cans, roofing nails, and road gators (blown truck tires) are certainly a threat to your existence when you are on a bike. As an added bonus, we are flooded with illegal aliens who can't seem to keep the construction materials on top of their van (with no tags or insurance). As a matter of fact, a family member was almost impaled by the 2X4 that flew out of a construction truck and went through their windshield. The truck was stopped and yep, it was illegals with no insurance that couldn't speak English. They were let go.

There's also: angry ethnic minority person who "deserves" to be in front of you at any cost, the man compensating for having a small penis by driving a truck jacked up 4 feet in the air and who likes to intimidate people by following way too closely, Dr. "more important than you" in his Lexus/7 Series/Benz, Granny, Anybody in a Hummer, The liberal who can't see out of their rear window of their electric car because it's so full of stickers declaring war on war (and fur, and thinking), the conservative who has the same series of stickers countering the liberals points, Big rigs.... the list is endless. My point is that each and every one of the idiots will live to reproduce if they tangle with a motorcycle. I (being on the motorcycle) will not.

So I am giving up for now. It lasted for a year the last time it happened, even with the dragbike. Who knows how long it'll go this time. Motorcycling is something that gets in you soul and just doesn't go away. I bought a street legal Honda 100cc bike to run around the yard with.... maybe it'll keep the urges at bay.